The Ben Wallace Fan Page

Jason Maxiell, Ben Wallace's Mini me?

So the Detroit Pistons drafted a powerfull guy, I like that. Kudos to Dumar's. I guess he's been reading this blog: the NBA needs more blockers. Real men who get physical at the paint and rebound. Just like Master Wallace.

So I was reading this article on the Detroit Free Press about the guy:

" Let's see if this reminds you of anybody.

He's a relatively unheralded, undersized front-court player who hangs his hat on his physical and mental strength, his work ethic, his toughness, and tenacity on defense and on the boards.

He speaks softly, when he speaks at all.

"I always say it takes three people to have a conversation with him," joked his agent, Richard Katz.

He's all iron and steel on the court, but it is obvious he has a playful side, as well. One of his hobbies is building model cars.

Folks, Ben Wallace has a mini-me."

Could it be true?

Well, let me tell you, even though I like this guy there are some fundamental differences:

1. Ben Wallace is ripped as hell, he looks as if he was chiselled from the same marble from which Michelangelo carved the David -except that it's black marble. This guy looks kinda soft. Just compare:

   

   This guy is put to shame next to Wallace.



3. Wallace has a bigger penis. Well, I mean, I haven't actually seen it, but I'm sure he does.
4. Wallace wears some awsome shoes. Someone told me they where called "And1". I've always thought they look like hooves, which, combines with his chiselled body make him look like a Minotaur.

Well, those are my reasons, and if you think that's not enough, bend over.

Posted by Mark at 04:31 PM | Comments (1)

Ben Wallace DOES sign autographs

O'Brien and her friend, Clarkston resident Felix Colon, 28, each had T-shirts signed by Pistons Ben Wallace and Rasheed Wallace, who walked to the airport fence to greet fans after their arrival. Colon said the Pistons' respect for their fans is part of what makes them a great team.

From this article from the Detroit Free Press.

This sucks

Oh man, they should have listened to my advice! It breaks my heart to see Ben Wallace sad!

Keys to winning game 7

Ok everybody, so now is the great moment to see if my prediction from some months ago will be true. Of course, the finals couldn't take place between Utah and Detroit, but that's because Kirilenko got injured.

Now, since we already now that any team that has Ben Wallace will win, there's not much to do, instead, I'll suggest some things to blow out the stupid Spurs:

1. All the offense should go through Ben. Yeah, you heard me right: nobody is allowed to shoot, only Ben Wallace.

2. All the defense should go through Ben. Ben will be covering the perimeter and the paint too. What's the point of putting that midget called Billups to defend when Ben can do a better job. With five players at the same time.

3. Fire Larry Brown, let Big Ben coach the team. And fire the GM too, and the president, and all the players, and security at The Palace. Ben Wallace can do all that single-handedly. Keep the Janitor, as Ben doesn't like cleaning, no real man does.

4. Let the 'fro out. Not because he plays better, but because he looks cool. Ben can play good any time he wants, the only moment in which he plays bad is to demonstrate that he carries the team on his shoulders.

Oh man, I really hope Larry Brown leaves for Cleveland and the vacant spot is taken by master wallace.

Music you're supposed to listen to

Hey, the Detroit Free Press has an article on the music Ben Wallace listens to:

Ben Wallace, the DJ of the Detroit Pistons, listens exclusively to hip-hop music before every game. And since the start of playoff season, his ritual has been to juice up his iPod with a mixture of hardcore sounds, underground new school tracks and classic commercial hits, and put on a locker room concert for his team.

The hip-hop verses that get played are familiar. Wallace plays songs by rappers like DMX, the Game, Jadakiss, Jay-Z and Eminem, all of whom tell tales of triumph, and of down-on-their-luck guys overcoming the impossible to beat the odds.

Quoted from This article. I hope you are already heading for the music store, 'cause if you're listening to anything else, you're listening gay music chump.

Shaq is a cry baby

Man, I hate the Shaq, if I ever saw him in person I'd punch him in the kidneys. That's why I was so pleased to find this interview where he says:

Shaq: Actually I've had many defeats in my NBA career but this one hurt the worst. It even hurt worse than us losing to Detroit in the Finals when I was with the Lakers. I'm hurt. I'm upset. I'm devastated. 'Cause it's another one, it's another great opportunity that slipped away for me, an opportunity that slipped away for the city. I'm devastated and it's something I'm gonna have to live with, but it's only gonna make me stronger.

Yeah, it's gonna make you stronger shaq, but stronger at accepting defeat at the hands of Master Wallace!

Oh, I'm such a pussy, I can't accept I'm old and fat and that Ben Wallace is like a hundred times better than I am, boooo boooo.

Ben Wallace article

Hey chumps, I'm too busy to write today but here's an excelent article on Ben Wallace:

It's heard inside certain circles that Ben is one of the reasons the ratings for this Finals are on course to be the worst ever. No one will say it on the record, but the conventional un-wisdom goes like this: Everyone appreciates his game, but no one wants to watch it. He's a defense-first-thinking All-Star ("Defense is what we hang our hat on," he said during an ABC bumper) whose following is cult, not continental.

Read the entire article. Oh man you got a love someone who diminishes the ratings on the finals because he plays like a real man.

And I hate that vulture Horry, next time your three point shot will be rejected into your face by Ben Wallace asshole. Like this block against duncan:

The truth about Ben Wallace's up's and down's in the finals

Well, a lot of you might be wondering "what the hell is wrong with Ben Wallace, he's terrible one day, with seven rebounds and four points, and the next he has 15 points, 11 rebounds, 3 steals and 5 blocks".

Well chump. Let me explain it to you.

You see, last year that Ben Wallace had spectacular games against the lakers he got no respect, that asshole called Chauncey got the finals MVP just for hitting a couple of treys. So in these finals he thought "well, I'm going to procrastinate on-court for the first two games 'till they get who is their MVP Daddy".

So don't worry people, Ben Wallace will carry the team on his shoulders all the way to their fourth championship. Oh, and he'll surely get the finals MVP too, or he'll pull another "Ron Artest" against comissioner Stern. Man I'd love to see that.

And I'd also love to see Dwane Wade's mom exchanging sex for heroin, but that's another story.

So the pistons make it to the finals

Well, let me tell you something, I live in Mexico and we don't get the game on normal TV, so I had to go to a sports bar to watch game 7 of the conference finals on Satellite.

There was this chump next to me celebrating every basket by Wade. I had to waste a Corona by sticking it up his ass so he would shut up. But he didn't shut up, in fact, I think he liked it. All Miami fans must be the same.

So anyways, back to the game. I was trying to watch it but these two whores where trying to distract me from the game, just whoring at me and I just had to keep concentrating on the game. Cause you know, Ben Wallace plays good when I concentrate. I mean, he plays good always but I like to pretend he plays better when I concentrate.

So I was there muttering "come on ballhogs, pass to Wallace" but they didn't obey me, it must have been those bitches that where distracting me. Fortunately Wallace doesn't need my telepathic support and the pistons won anyways.

The funny thing was that I wasn't exited at all at the end of the game, you know why? Cause I always know that the team that has ben wallace on its roster will win every game. So I already know who's gonna be the 2005 champs, yeah, you guessed: the pistons.

Ben Wallace Has bigger arms than shaq

Tommorow is game 7 for the Detroit Pistons against Miami, but since nobody reads this stupid webpage, there's no need for pre-game analisys. Just let me tell you that Detroit will ass fuck Miami and then Shaq will cry as he loses his second attempt for a ring.

Then I'll enter the court, give shaq a comforting pat on the back, and then a roundhouse kick directly to the stomach. Then I'll point at him at laugh at him because he thought I was comforting him. Then Ben Wallace and I will go to look for some whores and get drunk.

But that was not the reason of this post, I was watching some photos of Ben Wallace somewhere around the NBA website, and there was this photo of Ben batting with Shaq down at the low post:

Now, if you look closely, you'll see that ben has bigger arms than the shaq! and the Shaq is 7 feet 1 inch. I'd bet Ben uses headbands instead of armbands.

Speaking of Ben (as I always do) have you noticed that he is almost not scoring at all in these conference finals? I guess he read my article on Basketball should be more like soccer, and if you don't agree with me, bend over.