The Ben Wallace Fan Page

Prediction: Pistons will win another championship

The other day I was passing through a dark alley here in Mexico when beyond a dark door a gypsy called me... "Come" she whispered. So just out of curiosity I went and from beneath her velvet clothed table she pulled a very bright crystal ball. I peeked into the crystal ball and guess what... I saw Ben Wallace holding a 2004 championship trophy.

You might think I gave the stinking gypy-hipsie a big hug, but no, I grabbed the ball and smashed it on her head, just like Ben Wallace would. Ok, he wouldn't do that but I did it anyways. Why? Well, because it was FUCKING OBVIOUS stupid hag trying to get some pennies from me for predicting something as evident as the roundness of earth.

In fact, any team that has Wallace will win the Finals. Except for Lakers probably, that team is filled with ballers.

And while I'm at it I'll make another prediction: The finals will be between UTAH JAZZ Vs Pistons. Yeah, you heard me right, Utah Jazz. Now that Utah has big guys like Boozer and the ex-piston Okur, along with master blocker Andrei Kirilenko AK-47, they'll have an unexpected domination over the Western Conference. The west is filled with stupid ballers, except for the Jazz. They will eat Garnett for lunch. I can't wait for that moment. Remember master rebounder Rodman at Utah? Well, wait and see.

Bow to me next year when I prove I was right. Remember, you heard it here first.

Prediction: Bobcats will make it to playoffs

According to many stupid so-called pundits of basketball, the Bobcats will end up winning 5 games or less this season well, I got news for you, the Bobcats will make it to playoffs. How? Just look at the roaster and you’ll know what I mean. They have a healthy dose of blockers, along with Okafor, the blocking machine. Detroit should have traded him for both Rip and Billups, those two guys can’t block their mothers. Additionaly, they have Jahidi White, a very good rebounder and a good blocker.

If Okafor went to detroit, master Wallace could train him. We all know Wallace won’t last forever, he’s already 28 years old and he needs to look for someone to pass on his legacy. That way Wallace could concentrate on dominating the world while Okafor does the blocks for Detroit.

My prayers have come true!

Oh man, it ain’t WBA Blockers, but it’s close enough:

ESPN NBA 2004

All I can say is: it’s about time! Surely ESPN was inspired by my great cover for BWA Blockers, they should pass some royalties.

Check the site, it’s full of stuff of Ben Wallace, the master.

Meanwhile, I already put this picture in my desktop:

Paul Pierce is the best player in the world

Help, somebody is holding me at gunpoint!

Ben Wallace Shoes

Isn’t it ironic that some of the worst players of the NBA got shoes? Like Jordan?

It’s utterly unfair that master Ben Wallace has no shoes, he should. So I took some time off blocking shots from stupid ballers to harass another stupid nerd, and after making out with his mom he agreed to design the Master’s shoes under my direction:

I was thinking about something retro and classic, but modern, just like Wallace. He has the retro in his afro hair, and the blocks of a new NBA era player. I was thinking about adding some black fur on the top, to imitate Wallace’s haircut, but I decided against it, because fur is gay. As you can see, it has the Big Ben printed on the boot, awsome!

I’m so good at this I should work at Nike.

Finally, the difference between ballers and blockers

Have you ever noticed that when ballers recieve a foul they cry like babies? Yeah, I have noticed it too. When a blocker like Ben Wallace recieves heat from another player, like when the stupid Shaq did a technical foul to Wallace in the finals, Ben barely took notice.

Now there's scientifics evidence supporting blockers are tough guys and ballers are wimps. But of course we knew this all along.

BWA Blockers, peek preview

In case you were wondering, BWA DOES NOT stand for “Basketball Women Association”, it stands for “Ben Wallace Association”. Shame on you if you thought otherwise.

You know, sometimes I just wonder how can I be such a nice guy. I have this friend that I tolerate, even if he likes Kevin Garnett and he thinks he’s a baller (he’s more of a chump actually). So, this friend of mine who thinks he’s a baller, obviously likes that stupid “NBA Ballers” game for the XBox. Here’s the logo:

Let’s see what’s beyond the evident: the “ballers” text is written in a script font. Script fonts are for pussies. When was the last time you saw this type of text? I saw it last week on a flyer for a pussy reunion. If my girlfriend wrote me a letter in this font I’d choke her to death. It’s so delicate, cutesy and corny it wants to make me puke. That’s why I love the cover of this exclusive sneek preview: Ben Wallace’s Association BLOCKERS

As you can see, Wallace is jumping two meters over his opponents to block a shot four meters high, and he isn’t even making an effort. Look at the size of that triceps, its just amazing. I can’t get a good look at his traps, but they surely are as massive as mine are. The font is aggresive, if a baller sees a dvd package with this cover he’ll gently leave it where it was, carefully step backwards… one, two, three steps and then run like hell.

The mechanics of the game are be very simple: one block equeals two points and a rebond counts as a single point. Sure, there are ballers in the game, but only as cheerleaders. With some tricks you’re be able to pull out a flamethower and burn the cheerleaders. You’re also be able to play against predators (they are great blockers too). And Ben Wallace would is unbeatable (just as in real life), no matter what you do.

Rating>: 11 out of 10

Unfortunately, as the game is in beta, I’m not allowed to post screenshots, maybe sometime soon.

What the fuck!?

Ben Wallace is only making 6,000,000.00. I used to respect the Pistons for winning the championship, but of course the pistons didn't win the championship, Ben Wallace did. He carried the team on his massive shoulders to the finals. Ok, Rasheed might have done something, as he is a blocker too. But Master Ben did it all. Here's the source:

http://www.hoopshype.com/salaries/detroit.htm

If I was the Pistons owner I'd give Wallace ten times that, he'd earn more than the stupid Shaq.

Ben Wallace for Ruler of the universe

some weeks ago I was watching the shameful performance of the US team during the olympics. I guess everybody knows the reason behind their failure: Ben Wallace. Master Ben was the first person contacted by the olympic comitee, and at first he accepted, but declined when he saw the stupid ballers he was gonna play with. Marbury, Iverson, Odom and company are just a bunch of pussies who don't know how to block or rebound. I would have expected more from coach Larry Brown, being Wallace's coach at Detroit.

But then I had a great idea, let's make Wallace assistant coach. But I couldn't stand the idea of Wallace being just a second opinion, so I decided to kick out Brown and make him coach. But then he wouldn't have enough weight to buy the players with which he's supposed to play: Kirilenko, Theo Ratliff, Chris Webber and all the rest of the great blockers (KG is not included in this category). So he would buy the team and he'd be the ruthless dictator of the Pistons (kicking out Dumars in the process too).

Then he'd fill all the positions with great blockers, he'd kick Russell's ass and he would get more championship rings than fingers on his hands and toes on his feet. Including a cock ring.

But that's not all: he'd then run for president of the US and all state-sponsored education would be discarded in order to teach the only two important abilities in life: blocking and rebounding. Kids would be in school all day learning defense, just to be as cool as Ben Wallace is. Then, as the US rises to new and unexpected heights as Wallace rules the country, he'd be elected for ruler of the world. Then Predators would come as they do every 100 years and they'd admire his blocks so much, he would be made ruler of the universe. Kirilenko will be his counsealor. Oh boy, I can't wait for that day to come.

Kevin Garnett - The sorest loser in the world

Yesterday I was discussing with a friend who was better: Kevin Garnett or Master Ben Wallace. He cited stats and all the usual bullshit, but I have a better response for him:

He was deeply disturbed by this photo, he even started crying. But I felt bad so I told him:"Ok, lets go one on one Ben Wallace Vs. Garnett on NBA Ballers". He naively accepted the challenge. Of course I bust his ass in two rounds. After winning I smoked a cigarrette, just like Wallace does.

Then, just to pour a truckload of salt on his fresh wound, I showed him this quote I found somewhere on the 'net:

At an informal workout the other day at Target Center, after Timberwolves rookie Rick Rickert made a nifty move to slip past his boyhood idol, Kevin Garnett of the Wolves, to score a basket, Garnett responded, without warning, by punching Rickert in the jaw. A cut required seven stitches to close, and Rickert also suffered a chipped tooth. The astonished 6-10 Rickert didn't retaliate against the 7-foot NBA most valuable player, who also had unkind words for the former Gophers player. Apparently, the rookie wasn't supposed to score on the MVP. Rickert received his stitches at University of Minnesota Hospita

http://www.justbball.com/forums/showthread.php?t=24157&goto=nextoldest

What a sore loser. I hate Garnett.

A tribute to the best NBA player in the world - Ben Wallace

The other day I was searching for some information on Ben Wallace, and I noticed there's no good information about him on the 'net. Why? Let me explain:

1. Nerds & geeks know how to make webpages.
2. Nerds & geeks are losers
3. Nerds & geeks like ballers
4. Ben Wallace is not a baller
5. Real men like blockers
6. Real men don't know how to make webpages.

So, you might be wondering, how could I make a a webpage about Ben Wallace without being a nerd? Easy, I encourage you to do the same if you want a page about another great NBA blocker (like Andrei Kirilienko).

Step 1: Go to you're nearest university and find the geekiest guy you can.
Step 2: Start with intimidation. Us blockers are very tall and ripped, so just flex your pecs and stick out your traps and he'll piss his pants.
Step 3: By now he should be owned, but just for good measure, zap his head or make out with his mom.
Step 4: Profit.

Piece of cake. Just remember, Kevin Garnett is NOT a blocker, he's a pussy, more on him later.